Being a WRITER
The title of "writer" is one I wear proudly but it's something that took me years to get used to saying. After years of being a closet writer behind me I somehow summoned the courage to create a couple of poetry books. After that baby step I took a few bigger steps - sharing manuscripts with friends, joining a writers' group, starting an instagram feed dedicated to my writing life. Getting my work out there really helped me accept the fact that this was more than just a hobby. If the callous on my middle finger isn't enough proof I look at my loads of notebooks, filled with pages that are filled with words. I think of all of the ink that has been bled out of pens and voice memos I've made on my phone. Telling someone you are a writer, nine times out of ten, leads tem to asking, "Oh? And what have you written?" For some reason this always felt like they were challenging me. The challenges & looks started to annoy me! That's like telling someone you're vegan and they want you to prove it by eating in front of them! "Wait. Nope. That has cheese on it. You're not really a vegan!" The naysayers... they're fun.
All in all, I believe that words hold energy in them. A friend of mine told me to practice saying, "I'm a writer. I'm a writer." After many years I finally got used to the way my mouth moved as I'd say it. I finally got used to the way the words tasted on my tongue. I finally didn't care how people would respond. Yes, there are still moments where I doubt myself but that is just part of being human, I think. I still can't spell, I don't use the best grammar all of the time, and I second guess a lot of things before I "put them out there." But this is part of who I am - a big part. If I don't let it show then I am living a life in hiding. If I don't shed light on these words I am not my whole, authentic self. So I will continue to write and I will continue to create, thus minimizing the possibility of imploding.